I’m Doing This Because I Love It – Revel In The Compulsion

I wonder, although it’s not a wonder. I know how much choice I have in this now. Which is very little.  I feel the need – ‘the need for speed’ not only is there a need to continue because I enjoy it so much but because I have something to say. 

I thought I had a message through song. That remains and bubbles inside me but this is so so much fun. The entire process is grand. 

I’m maintaining the regular early morning wake ups in order to allow me more time to write. With it brings forth continued inspiration and creativity. An intense necessity to develop everything. 

I found some photos the other day of my time on camp which have reminded and sparked further inclusion of elements of reality into the story. I’m not sure I can upload all of the pictures. Firstly, because I don't have the permission of the other people within the photos to upload them and secondly, I don't want to include too much detail or reference to the actual camp. It is not my intention to portray the camp I attended as negative. Having said that, some of the content will be controversial and not a positive story for the fictional camp. As I keep saying, this is a fictional story. Although it is and remains purely inspired by real experience. I obviously, in the novel can't begin to indicate which parts are fiction and which are directly inspired by real experience. This would be too distracting and I can't include footnotes or disclaimers. I'm fully aware that the camp that I attended remains in business and it is not my intention to affect this in any way. 

This is me, circa 2003. Love the beads.....so cultured!

 

I continue to as above get up early but I'm listening to albums that I was certainly not only listening to at the time but others that were in my mind as I embarked on my journey. 

Put simply, they include and in no particular order; Norah Jones - Come Away With Me. The album still has a special place in my heart. My girlfriend and I used to listen to it all the time. Slow dancing to home cooked meals by candle light. It was arguably a simplified and 'poor mans' excuse at teenage romance but it was 'real'. Plus the girlfriend I mention was the one in which I left in reality in order to attend camp. She was very supportive. She knew it was something I wanted to do. I didn't treat her all that well and for that I am sincerely sorry. I am thankful now though that I have grown up. It's just a shame it takes pain and hurt inflicted upon someone else and someone you loved,  to make you realise what's acceptable and/or accepted in life. 

I remember, also David Gray's 'White Ladder' being a popular album at the time. ' This Year's Love' was something we would listen to. It's a truly conflicted emotion that rumbles inside me as to how honest I should be. I want to be as truthful as I can without incriminating or actually naming the people or person involved. I think or I certainly hope she has moved on to happier things. You never know she may be married and have children. Not that having children is a measurement of happiness but whatever she is doing. I hope that she is doing what she wants and enjoys. I want nothing but the best for her and her family. It was a large chapter of my life and I have no hate, animosity or judgement on any of the situations we found ourselves in. I hope you're smiling and living as you would say, with "All That Jazz!".

 I travelled around New York City and Washington DC when I left camp. I would take pictures of myself with a 'photo booth' small picture of my girlfriend at the time in front of Washington monuments.

As I said, I won't include the pictures of her as I'm not in touch, but they exist. Images of me kissing the photos and the like, in front of the Lincoln Memorial and other places.

2003 version of a selfie ( 35mm camera ) - 

Washington Monument - Probably listening to Sublime:

This blog helps me as I know I'm not doing this to be rich. I'm not doing this to be famous. I'm doing this because I really feel compelled to continue the story. It is nice to have a passion that is genuine. I really hope that I'm not repeating myself. I suppose if I am or much of this feels familiar it's because it's my truth.

Misty Camp

I think the music I had with me on Camp and the music I listened to afterward was so important to me. It saved me. I've certainly included most of these feelings in the pages I've so far written. It's odd but strangely reassuring how music comes into your life. It appears from nowhere. It's those songs you discover that shape and become the soundtrack to the time. So wonderful when it happens. I've given up questioning why. I still return to Billy Bragg's 'Heart Like A Wheel'. I can't remember how or why or even when I first heard that but I know exactly how I felt when it played out. I hope to one day bookmark someone, anyone's life with my words.

That is the ultimate goal.

Until Next Time....

Do Good Things!