The Evil Of Procrastination...

Merry New Year!

As much as I enjoyed the festive season. I'm not overly ecstatic with the suggestion or immediate life changing events predicated by people looking to change their lives at midnight. I always consider it far too unrealistic and like a fading cartoon. Favoured by many, but lost in nostalgia. If the assumption is; new goals can be set and achieved with the mere changing of numbers, then surely this same feat can be achieved at anytime? Seems all a bit too Roald Dahl for me.

'Any road' For even me, especially over Christmas, procrastination comes in many forms. Thinking about documenting it. That thought itself. Much in the fashion I am now I suppose. I am, therefore guilty of it myself, otherwise I wouldn't be indulging in this distraction. A pretty and prime manifestation of procrastination. It's even a long enough and fun word to say aloud several times providing just enough delay in its mere utterances.....pro-cras-tin-ation. That's almost three seconds right there!

My wife, sitting on the floor pulling on winter socks because her feet are cold. A long winded conversation about the entire process. That in itself was almost poetic.
The arrival of a 'No No' hair removal tool from Argos, the door knocking....'oh oh oh, must jump up forthwith and answer with a jolly old smiley disposition.' So then to the opening. May as well take you're time, don't want to damage anything. It's open.... to the investigation, the speculation. The Testing. All this feeds that procrastination monster. My wife then 'testing' the slender tool on my hairy face. 'To practice, to practice, you see!'
I'll write after my face is smooth....

Oh oh oh, the discovery that this aforementioned tool of beauty does not hold it's battery charge for long. The scandal. Better order more AAA batteries then.To Amazon it is, my consumer cape is pulled upon tightly, dah da da dahhhhh! Amazon have deals on, must have a look. It would be wrong not to. I mean it's right there. Look you can save ten English pounds on something I don't need. Look look look, I've always wanted an automated robot vacuum. It must work with Alexa. Can't read it does. Gonna have to google that......la la la 'Google google google ' 'Does the Dyson 360 eye work with Alexa? Here it is... churn churn churn....looks like it does. Right, well anyway no need to get it now is there. Probably not. Ahhhh, knock knock knock, 'Hello! Neil - wake up, you came into this room with the specific purpose to write. Ahhhhh you're on Amazon!'

With that in mind, it really may be worth making use of two PC's. One connected to the internet, the other set in a whole different room. One to write, one to do internet banking. Oh and obviously watching Joe Rogan Podcasts, TimTracker and that endless telescoping you get from discovering new music off the back of some French girl singing about Miriam Makeba on Youtube.

It is so so and all too too easy peasy easy to get distracted and put things off because other crazy machinations sent to us from the evil Doctor Procrastinator dance seductively in front of our vitamin glowing eyes.

Wait, what's this? The discovery of left over Belgian chocolates from Christmas. Where did these appear from? Are they dairy free? Are they Gluten Free? Who makes them, let me google...Confirmed. We can eat them! 

'Mmmmm, is that marzipan? Could be, oh these are good. They have a slight hint of ginger in them. That's what I'm getting, you getting ginger my love'?

This conversation and the appreciation of cheap Belgian chocolate then goes on for some time. So too, does the need then to indulge in coffee, as a cup would most certainly go so swimmingly with these strange, still unidentified marzipan, gingery wonders of vegan, dairy and gluten free bliss.

Right, I'm ready now. Sit down...time to write. Some distraction is expected. It's Christmas after all. Better check my website. Not sure why, rarely update it. Rarely post anything. Go to check it. Not accessible. Having to contact customer service to get this back online. Snowball onto the next thing.

It was the realisation that the website itself was completely confused and muddled. I
found old poetry that made no sense. Was pretentious and in my opinion fueled by empty disillusioned thoughts. It was then me reminding myself  where the inspiration came from for the thoughts originally. Now more so, would I ever adapt these words? Would they merely fade into obscurity? Clearly doesn't matter.

I then moved on to 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' put the audio book on to a USB drive to listen to on my commute when back at work.
I did the same thing with Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.
I then put a third USB in my PC to move over MP3 music, again to keep me company on the journey.
I switch them up if I get too bored or need to hear something new. It's a long arse journey!

All of the above meant I wasn't writing my novel.

I am plagued too with guilt that I am in another room whilst my wife. The one woman I love to her very core, even to my own core. I can hear her laughing at the TV and I'm in this room, trying to wrestle with my own thoughts and lost wonderment of creativity. I question, is it all worth it?
I will be writing for myself forever. No! That's fine. I'm happy with that. Head down. Write!

I entered a writing competition, sure I mentioned that previously. I am also now sure that this written work was not considered.
Surely, they would write or email. I even included my mobile number. If I was a consideration - they'd ring. Surely! 'Why then wasn't I selected?' I put my heart into that story. Did you though? Did you really? Did you ever actually reveal any truth. Did that story have a heart? Did it mean all that much to you? I think it's time to rest in the thought that it wasn't actually all that good. 

I then am taken over with complete defiance. It's a strange feeling. That level of insecurity and cusp of depression. Lack of motivation. Swirling of indecision. Encouragement. Self worth.
I need to keep writing. Stop thinking. Keep writing. Why are you doing this?
You're saving lives....far from it. It's something though I must do. I can't answer why and I don't mean to sound obscure. I have very little choice in this. I'm almost reserving myself to the thought that it's my destiny or something slightly less self obsessed.
For whatever reason that may be. Only time will tell. The main thing, need to write and keep writing.

I can't though just give up and I won't.

I'm not offering anybody anything of worth at this stage. I will continue to update this when I have further developments. As a means to document and diarize how things are going.
It won't be a daily update anymore. Not until I have something more concrete, more polished.
I'm too paranoid or conscious that I am revealing too much. I need to almost finish the story and I can almost relax more and be slightly more open. It is genuinely getting there and with every word, I find people and minute details I can add in to point the story in certain ways. Still fun....obviously when you can get over all the distractions. Most of which are self inflicted.

Stay positive people. 

Until Next Time...

Do Good Things.